He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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