She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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