As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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