Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
