we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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