direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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