took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize