i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
