I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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