Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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