I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
