Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
