I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
