i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Let's get the cat blown out
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
