woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
