nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
