erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
