the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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