I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
