i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
