I am in a vortex of obligation.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
