I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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