too bad you live with your parents still
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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