she was so not down for the gang bang
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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