Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
