It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
