You smell like a Billy Joel song
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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