I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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