remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
