My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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