i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
