The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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