I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
