He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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