Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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