I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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