If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
