i jhust puked up my retainher.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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