When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
