he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
