found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
