so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize