Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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