i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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