i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
