Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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