Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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