she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
