Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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