i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
