I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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