4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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