I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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