if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
