I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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