I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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