I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
