if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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