wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
