Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
