Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
