Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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