Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
