Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
