My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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