I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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