This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
