Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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