What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
