i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
