i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
As shirtless as possible
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
