All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
