Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Liz is crying about burritos again.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
