we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
