So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize