He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize