So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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