He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
