he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
