You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
