a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
