Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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