I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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