I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
