I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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