barbara walters just said penis...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
