we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
