During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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