Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
