Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
