If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
